Understanding

Choosing the right person as your will executor or power of attorney for your finances and

health is essential. Looking back when my mom (widow) asked, I said yes. I know why she

picked me. I am a middle child, we had a great relationship, and I had a good relationship with my two younger sisters. I also had the skills that needed – I was a certified public accountant. All made sense. My Mom was lucky; she had a good death. She was in her home, sound of mind and doing what she wanted when her heart suddenly stopped working. No pain, no dementia, no care facility…. just here then gone.

For my husband’s family, his dad died of throat cancer. Since his wife was alive, the children had little responsibility (aside from family drama, which is another story). However, his mom and stepdad developed Alzheimer’s/dementia. In this scenario the power of attorney’s selected became a huge issue. The five years since Mom and Stepdad left their home have been nothing but complete chaos. A family split by conflict, brothers and sisters at odds, siblings and step siblings at odds, and uncertainty surrounding the selection of a specific individual for a certain position.

The baby boomers, also known as the silent generation, do not discuss personal matters

beyond the husband-and-wife bond. So, the question becomes, why did you select who you did? In my husband’s case – we do not know for certain. All three children have health power of attorney; the youngest son and the stepfather's son share financial authority. Remember, neither parent has passed yet, so the will does not take affect. However, now that they are in their ninety’s and in long-term care, they will never be coming home.

So where does the concept of understanding come into play?

To begin with, it is important to inform the chosen family members about their selection for these roles. I recently read an article suggested that it's best to have this conversation before signing any legal paperwork. Next, explain the selection and the reasons behind it. This allows heirs or anyone involved during a lengthy illness to learn about the decisions made and ask questions.

Thirdly, the family member selected as executor and/or power of attorney, can have time to decide if this is something they want to do. Although this topic is rarely discussed, it should not be considered off-limits.

The other part of understanding needs to come from the family members that are not selected. They do have a role to play in the process. They can help, support, and provide feedback on how things are handled.

I haven’t addressed specific issues that came up during my mom’s estate or my husbands’ family conflict, those stories are for another day.

~Written By Tracey Lindsay - Sine